Tuesday, December 6, 2011

It Isn't Fair - Get Over It

Where, oh where did my kids ever get the idea that life would be fair?  I am sick of living with two little legalists who keep a mental checklist of everything "owed" to them.  Tonight was the last straw, as they were arguing yet again over who had had more time on the "good" computer (the Mac, which is faster than our Dell), and over whose turn it would be next.  I have HAD IT with this nonsense!  Since when do I need to be Jimmy Carter to broker peace between my children?  I'm not going to stand over them with a stopwatch to make sure they get the exact same amount of time on the computer.  Just like I'm not going to measure out snacks so they get the precise same amount, and watch to make sure someone doesn't eat more than their fair share (another complaint when someone eats the last of something someone else wanted but didn't tell anyone about until it was too late).

LIFE ISN'T FAIR.  GET OVER IT.

Yes, they're making me crazy tonight.  And it mystifies me as to where this jealous desire for equality is coming from.  (Well, no, it doesn't, really - human nature being what it is, which is broken and selfish and sinful.)  We haven't raised them to compete against each other, and I don't compare them to each other.  That would be like comparing dogs and cats, or pineapples and strawberries.  It's pointless.  Dare I say, fruitless?  So it makes me truly bonkers when they act like this.

Yes, I have tried to make sure things don't get too unbalanced one way or the other.  That's part of parenthood.  But yes, I've also had to spend more time tiptoeing around our son's Aspergers and trying to stretch his boundaries to be more flexible and patient than any sane parent would like.  (And boy, is that a whole 'nother blog post!)  Safety Guy likes rules and to keep things going his way in his comfort zone.  Princess Yakyak is very jealous of her rights and resents the attention Safety Guy has needed over the years.  To keep some semblance of peace in the house I've had to intervene between them time and again.  But once more I realize I've done too much for them, and they've become too dependent on me to solve their problems for them.  This has happened before, but each time when we reset the balance it starts to creep eventually back toward the buck stopping on my desk.  Somehow, I find myself once more in the position of Ultimate Arbiter of Fair.  And you know what?  I refuse to be the household equivalent of a U. N. Peacekeeping Force any longer.

I quit.

I told them tonight that if they couldn't share time on the computer without arguing and bickering and fussing for my husband or I to referee, then they'd both be off the computer for an entire week.  I hope they took me seriously, because I am DONE with this balancing act.  They can talk their differences out - I know they can when it suits them.  Well, it had better suit them now, or I'll have a lot of time on the "good" computer to myself very soon.

1 comment:

  1. My sympathies. I know it must be difficult but it sounds like you handled it perfectly.

    ReplyDelete