Saturday, March 24, 2012

Thud.

Hear that?  That was the sound of my spirits hitting bottom earlier today.  Safety Guy ended his week with yet another run-in with his teacher over refusing to work, being insubordinate, and disrupting his class.  I'm heartsick over his choices, frustrated with his attitude, and just plain exhausted from dealing with everything going on in my life lately.

I'm trying to step back and keep my perspective, but that's really, really been hard.  Too many what-ifs, too many distractions, too many worries, too much stress.  I'm hoping and praying we can make it to Safety Guy's appointment with the psychiatrist in a couple weeks without another serious issue at school, but the odds aren't good.  He had three meltdowns there this week alone.

So I'm praying, and talking with family and friends who will also pray for us, and doing my best to help SG work through some of his anger.  I really think (and I'm not alone in thinking this, after talking with family today) that Safety Guy is entering full-on depression, and it's manifesting as anger.  Depression and Aspergers often occur together, and his age group is especially prone to it (i.e. TEENS).  Given that there are depression issues in our family, this is no surprise at all.  I hope we can get him the help he needs in a timely fashion.

I'm debating the wisdom of keeping him out of school for a day or two over the next couple weeks, to defuse some of his pent-up tension.  He has excellent attendance - that's not an issue.  But, I don't ever want him to think he can use his anger/anxiety issues as an excuse to get out of school, so I hesitate to suggest that he stay home for those reasons.  Give him an inch, and he'll take a light-year.  But if there's a day soon where he's not feeling well, and I'm not committed to work, I may just keep him home because he's "under the weather."  We'll see what the next couple weeks bring.  To put it bluntly, I'm afraid to send him to school each day now, not knowing what will happen during the day, and how he'll handle the consequences, because when he gets in trouble at school, there are consequences at home as well.  And this is not a good situation at all, for any of us.

Lord, help us.  Heavenly Father, please calm Safety Guy's troubled spirit, place your hand between him and the insults and annoyances of his classmates to shield him, and help him to understand the consequences of his actions before he goes too far, or even takes the first step over the line.  Give his teachers skill and patience, give his friends kindness and understanding, and give us as his parents the wisdom and strength to hold on and follow through with what's best for him.  Please give me peace, Jesus, because I'm afraid and sad and stressed.  Hold my family, Lord, and bring us healing.  Amen.