Friday, April 26, 2013

Changes

It's been a long, long week.  

It started Monday with the painful decision to have our beloved old cat B.C. put to sleep.  He'd had a very long, very loved life, and this was the kindest ending, but it was still very difficult and sad.  He passed while I held him, and I brought him home and put him to rest under a new lilac bush.  I think I'll be looking for him out of the corner of my eye for a long time.  All of us are upset about losing him, but the kids asked me to take pictures of him with them on his last day, so we have some good final memories of Bad Cat (who was really the best cat in the whole world).

Me and my Bad Cat, my old friend.

The middle of the week was busy with work-related stuff (NY state math testing) and kid related stuff (fitness class, counseling, horseback riding, and soccer).  It was good to be busy, and we've had some nice weather (SUN!).  I squeezed in some gardening chores around the other running, and I'm looking forward to some more garden stuff this weekend.  I even managed to walk on the high school track while the Princess had soccer practice.  I think I've found a good way to get some exercise for the next couple months.

The end of the week finds me tired, and a bit cranky.  I'm just emotionally tired of typical teen/tween stuff - the smart-ass remarks, the snarky comebacks, the lack of common sense, and the MESS.  I've been trying hard to bite my tongue and keep my own remarks kind, with mixed success.  Earlier this week I just wanted to clunk my kids' heads together.

Another big change this week, though, was finally finding out how long this long-term sub job will actually last.  The teacher's return was in doubt even a week ago, but I finally got confirmation that my last day in this classroom will be next Wednesday.  I'm glad the regular teacher is feeling well enough to return.  I'm equal parts relieved and sad over the end of this chapter in my professional life.  It's been a good experience working so closely with the school psychologists and other teachers, and I really grew to love the students.  And, since I applied for a permanent full-time position here last week, I'm waiting and hoping for good news on that front.  I would like to put down roots here, for however long a season the Lord allows.  My co-workers have been encouraging to me about applying, and I even had one of the custodial staff ask me if I'd seen the job posting.  It's good to feel wanted.

Safety Guy is making me absolutely nuts about purchasing a new (used) minivan soon.  Here's my FB post from a couple days ago to a group for parents of kids with Aspergers:

Okay, mild rant here. My son is making us absolutely stark raving bonkers with his perseveration on the topic of cars. Specifically, on our decision to replace one of our cars with a newer used car. Oh. My. Goodness. He has been going on and on for WEEKS (no, MONTHS) about getting a car. One of his long-time favorite topics has been cars. Matchbox cars, Hot Wheels cars, minivans, crash tests, automobile safety in general, automobile history, classic muscle cars, antique cars of all kinds, Top Gear, movie car crashes, CARS. He's 14 1/2 and totally car crazy. Now that we're going to replace one old car with another oldish car, he's in high gear, literally. CarFax reports, used car ads, Consumer Reports, online auto information of all kinds, Car and Driver magazine, and commenting on just about every car he sees as we drive (including which cars would be best for teen drivers, hint hint hint). Which wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have to TELL us every detail, at length, multiple times a day. I just had to tell him to GO TO BED before I lost my cool. He's harmless, and I'm glad his aspie obsession isn't something icky or embarrassing or socially inappropriate. However, I'm about to lose my mind if I have to talk about cars any more, with anyone, or listen to any more car facts. I'm ready to buy the first car I look at just to get him to STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT CARS. But I know that won't stop him for very long. 

I'm working on my attitude and gratitude.  Lord, help me, it's been so difficult lately, and I feel like my "filters" have slipped quite a bit.  I'm going to take four work days off after this job ends, then go back to day by day subbing.  I must be nuts, but I've also decided to do a garage sale later in May.  Maybe cleaning out the house will help me "clean out" my attitude and priorities.  At the very least, I'll feel good about lightening our possessions.

Here's hoping next week brings all of us peace.